How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
