i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
