Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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