exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
