party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
