this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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