the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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