Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
