Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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