I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
as a side note pls kill me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
