He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
