i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
