i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
