WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
