So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
