im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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