we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
