I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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