Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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