apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
