the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
