A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
