So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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