did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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