So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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