you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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