There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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