Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
