I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We're too hungover to prance.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
