He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
