Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
