there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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