..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
