I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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