Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
