I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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