im drinking this country out of the recession.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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