Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
