we have officially lost it.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
