her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
