I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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