i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
As shirtless as possible
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
