i think i have two assholes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
