we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
