sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
