so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
