i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
