my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
