I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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