eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
