now i know why i became what i already was.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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