the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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