Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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